2012-366 Day 233 – Lazy

I had gotten lazy. Allow me to correct that a little bit: I had been lazy for a long time. The last thing I had put my full effort into was my thesis, and that was four years ago. Lazy in my work, lazy in my thinking, lazy in my playtime, and lazy in my spiritual life. I was fortunate that even in being lazy, most people couldn’t tell, but it had become increasingly apparent to me about six months ago. I had plenty of excuses, mostly stemming from my “lost year,” but I was growing tired of them and was dissatisfied with where I was.

Now this isn’t to say that I have turned it all around and am accomplishing everything now, that is actually far from the truth. In recognizing this laziness, however, I have been able to start making the changes that are going to help me long term. I needed to address my physical status, as well as re-engage my brain, and rekindle my spirit.

One of the initial realizations of laziness in my physical status was in Karate class, when I got mad at myself over how out of shape I was. I’ve been improving my conditioning and flexibility (although not very quickly), but change has not been easy as I’ve been dealing with mechanical problems in my body that can make being active difficult. The inflammation in my neck and shoulders ebbs and flows, though it is most evident in stressful situations, which in the physical case mainly manifests itself during long runs. It is this condition that worries me the most when training for the Half-Marathons (and next year’s Marathons), and I do wish that our schedule and the weather (particularly the weather) had been more conducive to getting long runs in (the short runs I’ve been doing at our indoor track). The long run in Ragnar (11 miles) also bolsters my confidence, because I was able to that one with minimal long run training, I just have to remind myself that I can do it. I’ve also been battling Plantar fasciitis in my left heel, but self treatment has thankfully gotten that down to mostly a morning issue with occasional spikes during the day. It’s been a slow road back, but I think I have the structures in place to ensure that my laziness in taking care of my body will be a thing of the past.

My mental malaise has been a bit tougher to shake. The summer months have been the easiest to check out on, since I don’t have to teach and could easily veg with computer games and TV rather than reading. My long term goal is to go into teaching at the college level full time, but I had stalled out on that goal. It’s great to be teaching my one class a semester, but it certainly does add to my workload while still doing my regular job full time. I’ve been trying to read more recently, which is helping, and am looking at getting my Doctorate, which is the next step on my path. There is a program through CSUN which I might be able to get one through, but the next cohort for the level I’m interested in starts next fall (2013). In the meantime, I have to get all of my material together and make sure that I present the best application possible. With the combination of more reading, teaching again, and getting my academic house in order, I’m hoping that will continue to jump start my brain.

Both of those areas have had a major impact on my spiritual laziness. I was already dealing with some residual doubt and questions when a couple we knew from high school had their younger son bravely battled cancer a couple of times and lost, then laying on the physical difficulties and uncertainty of recover after my neck and shoulder injury never allowed the spiritual wound to heal correctly. A new bible study put together with our friends at the start of the year has helped with that process on the intellectual side, but only recently has the flickering sparks been rising from the embers. It was shamefully easy to oversleep a few Sundays this summer, with regularity only recently returning (although our absences were sometimes just due to being out of town). Thankfully I made it to this weekend’s sermon, as a lesson on pain was given that was sorely needed. It will take a while to build it all back, but I think I’m finally seeing the light at the end of the tunnel.

Apologies for being a little deeper than usual, but I felt the need to get some of this off my chest. I want to make sure that everyone realizes that I know I am improving in these areas, so please don’t worry about me. Just wanted to document where I was and where I am going.

Weight: 229 Loss: 11 lbs – Running Yearly Mileage: 258.1 miles
Fitocracy Level: 25 ID: disciplev1